Bitter Silence and Scattered Moonlight
by Sun Child Malik
Summary: The angel will always be out of reach; it's just the way it is. Random short one-shot drivel. YYxM--don't like, don't read.


Disclaimer: The lyrics are from "Warriors" by Yuichi Ikusawa. The other stuff's in my bio. :p  
  
Author's notes: ...I just really needed to write something. Sad little thoughts, like almost every other one-shot I've ever written. .* I hope it's worth reading, but considering the odd pairing (Yami YuugixMalik), probably not. ._. I, on the other side of fandom, absolutely adore this pairing. I've even rubbed it off on a couple of my friends. Yay for my weirdness! XD  
  
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"Sometime ago, for the sake of living, we left behind our happiness  
  
We deceived ourselves, clinging to this mere illusion as we danced  
  
With closed eyes, I sought out your smiling face at the edge of the horizon  
  
Within the swaying traces of memories, we embrace our dreams and continue on  
  
Someday, I will once again grasp hold of these feelings I have locked away in my heart..."  
  
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The time passes so slowly... With only bitter silence and scattered moonlight for my company, I gaze at you, lying beside me. It's rare that I get to be with you the whole night through, yet somehow I can't find myself thankful that you're here. Don't mistake me; being with you brings me comfort, but at the same time, it brings me affliction. Maybe it's because I know that being here next to you as you sleep and I stir in my own mind is the closest I'll ever really be to you.  
  
We've seen too much pain and too much conflict, yet somehow we came out on top. You gave yourself to me as a lover, but still you refuse to open up to me. You always push away from me. Always. I remember that one night, when you spoke to me from your heart. When I realized that despite my initial aversion, you aren't really very different from myself. That's when I let my pent-up yearning and lust take control of me, and much to my surprise, you accepted me. When I watched your sleeping face as I held you that night, I felt an emptiness that I was so used to feeling that I almost became unaware of it slowly closing up. The beautiful, broken angel who was so far away was lying in my very arms.  
  
Months have passed. I've become adapted and even addicted to the feelings of your hair between my fingers, your lips under mine, your legs wrapped around my waist... The distant angel is now mine to satiate myself on. But still I'm unhappy. I realize why. Despite all the intense nights that I wanted to last forever, never again have I held you like I did that one night. I haven't felt that sense of completion since then. Not only was that the night you opened up to me, but it was also the night that you shut yourself away from me.  
  
You'll never truly love me or need me like I do you; I'm simply a silent way to give yourself temporary contentment from this world. You use your body and your all too confusing allure to keep me addicted to you, so you don't have to get close to me. You secured your spot that night, and you know that. It's true. I am addicted to you. Even though it slowly kills me inside that you're so much more to me than I am to you, I don't say a word. I let you close yourself off, pretending to be happy and pleading only silently that you let me in. I'm afraid of pushing you away, and making you want to leave me... I need you. Even if you're not really here, I can still pretend that someday you will be.  
  
This is what I think of while you sleep beside me. I almost want to pull you into my arms and hold your bare skin against my own as I did that one night, just hoping to feel what I did back then. But inside, I know I won't. You let me hold you then. So instead I shuffle back onto my side and hope sleep will eventually take me away from these thoughts. Tomorrow morning I'll smile at you, you may give one back, unaware of how much it hurts me to get nothing more than that, and life will go on as it has. Even if it kills me, there's nothing I can do to change that. Because the angel will always be untouchable. 


End file.
